Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas ~ !

Happy Holidays ~ !

It's almost another year.

What have I accomplished? It feels so slow, yet fast. It seems like I have graduated for a long time now. What have I done that's worthy of something? Nothing. It's so depressing now that I think about it. Oh well, I'll just try my best to make people happy this year. Just like every other year, I mean it.

But...
Somethings just get really confusing. Love, please-- stop pressuring me. I don't like it. I need time. Why does it seem like value friendship more than a relationship? Don't I like to be cared for and loved by someone (finally)? Why do I feel like I have lost myself.

Anyhow, happy holidays and merry christmas! I'm sorry this has been so depressing. It has snowed here, twice. But it's gone now, good things never last. Snow, I love you so. Please come back to me! Then I'll be at peace and content again. It's all I wish for. Ice skating will do for now.

Post-Graduation

Hello Procrastination!

This post should have been typed up pretty long ago, but I guess I just never had the time to. *poke diary* Nor had I any time to write in my diary. So if this appears to be gibberish, then please forgive me. 

For this entry, I am just going to let my thoughts and feelings flow out- with the occasional typo and grammar fix. But other than that, I will type my mind's words in no order at all. Warning: This may result in a dull and boring entry. I think all my blog posts are.

~~~ Anyhow, starting...
Post-graduation has hit me big time. Think of high school as a bubble, a bubble that I have been protected and have felt safe in. And graduation just pops it, or it explodes, whichever sounds more drastic. So I am now all exposed and vulnerable to this horrifically new young adult's world. Thing is, I might like change in some situations... but this is one of the times when change is not appreciated (not by me, at least). Now, I just feel very lost in this new world; feeling very vulnerable and unsafe. I cannot think correctly and it is very hard making decisions. 

Also, I feel like nothing is going right. My love life (which plays a big big BIG part in my life) is not going very well. Many people say, one can focus on career if left without love (or something like that). As of now, my career is doing nothing. These problems I have, they do not let me enjoy life (if there is enjoyment in this life at all). 

I am working towards being the librarian I inspire to be, but everything is still so confusing... I ask a TONNE of questions, but I feel like a burden or I feel like I'm bothering the person I am requesting help from. I just feel really bad. And it is funny because other than feeling bad, depressed, angry at the weirdest times... if someone asks me how I feel exactly and WHY, I cannot answer it. Sometimes, I feel like I have lost all emotion- feeling blank for the day, week or weeks. I have not felt like I have been emotionless for a month yet... so let us just leave that out. This post is getting rather long...
But anyways, yeah. I sometimes feel like I have no emotion at all. The times when I should feel scared, cautious or even surprised, I do not feel it. Times where I should be feeling sad, angry or happy, I cannot feel anything. It is just like: *blink blink* "Okay."

That is all.

Art of Deception (i)

The Art of Deception

Winter Sunlight

The closer to afternoon,

The brighter the sunlight.

But the more luminous it becomes,

The more deceptive it will be.

So the warmer the thoughts,

The cooler the chill.

Just light.

~WingedAura