Lone Peeve, a Daily Occurence

The Feeling When someone belittles you in an indirect way to other people, when they can do it *directly* to you. But knowing that person, you know that he/she could and would and you won't know how to respond because in this *new* case you have to. I know that I can never win arguments; but it's not like I want to. Because I'm tired of your bull$#@%, enough to take it and ignore it; so that I can move on, and look forward to something else.

What a great way to start a weekend away from the studio.1

1 I am taking a Foundation Ceramics course. It is a lot time-consuming than one would think. I practically live at school, outside of work. This break was going to be nice.

Some Thoughts; Some Trends

I am at the point of life where I have graduated again, from my Library Technician diploma program.

Trends. I guess that’s what this post will mainly be about. I’m afraid this post will have ideas jumping all over the place because I have so many thoughts going through my head right now.

I am stuck in the constant loop of motivated and unmotivated because of the job hunting. Many applications were sent out and many of them give no closure. It keeps me in the dark and gives me feelings of being lost in the adult world again. So these feelings in which only I understand for myself in combination with depression and anxiety. It hurts inside, there is subtle pain; noticing it makes it hurt more. I think too much and make everything complicated . . . But I can’t stop this; I can’t stop the thinking and I can’t stop the pain. However, I’m sure I’ll survive through it like I did, how I did after graduating high school. I’ll soon find a path worth following in this forest that is my life.

A dangerous trend among friends.

Friends are great, please don’t misunderstand. I just started noticing a trend in my friendships that could be dangerous for my well-being (not physically). I believe I do have friends, but it’s the reason that I don’t talk to them very much or constantly which makes me wonder if they are considered friends . . . to be more accurate, if THEY consider ME their friend. I tend to like communication through an online/electronic medium which could probably be one of the reasons why I don’t feel like I have friends; I’m not there physically to socially interact with my ‘friends’.

There’s another problem. I will make friends and end up “spamming” them with unnecessary things. I will then start to feel really bad for being as bothersome as I am. If I put myself into their position, even I would get tired of myself. I’ll go right back to keeping everything to myself, neglecting the trust they have put in me to tell them about things I’m going through. And then . . . I’ll be right back here, on this blog, writing about things like these. For the anonymous to read, but not for those whom I really want to talk to. Of course, I can just tell them directly, but I’ll begin to feel like I have dropped an emotional burden on my friends because they care. I know some of them care a lot about me, and I’ll find it hard to repay them because I don’t know how. Then? I’ll feel horrible as a person who they call a friend. I know that caring for someone does not mean that I have to return the favour, but even with the knowledge of this, I cannot help feeling this way.

I feel like a flower, afraid to bloom… I will reveal myself to the moonlight, where only Luna can see and comfort me, and where nobody else will.

A moon flower.

Want and Need

There are times when wanting something will overpower the need for something. Many people say, when you don't need it, you probably don't. But take this into another context, you will realize that the want will sometimes overrule the need.

In love, sometimes it's all about the right timing. Missing one opportunity does not mean it's the end of the world, you'll probably get another chance. However, some people do think that missing one opportunity would mean that there are going to be no more. I don't believe it's the case.

You can't change the past, but rather, the near future. You are in charge of the actions that will influence future events. So, assess the current situation. You've just missed one opportunity, do you continue to wait?

Simply, there are two answers: Yes and No. But behind every yes, there's a reason why. The question, now more specifically, is asking, "Are you willing to wait?"

Take careful notice of my wording here. There is a difference between willing to wait and needing to wait for the next opportunity.

Willingness is the feeling which drives your patience. The need to wait can do the opposite. Need is a choice in which one forces himself to wait in order to complete a certain task (ie. confession of feelings). This will feel like a long, tiring and torturing task-- but only if you make it so.

You should be willing to wait if you really love and care for the person. It should not be a form of torture, but rather something to look forward to each and every day. In addition, you might have to change the way you try and find the opportunity. Because you missed it this time because of this reason, try to do something to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I wish you all, the adorable lovesick puppies, the best of luck. I am cheering for you with my words. 

You're all probably very sweet and caring people to find this post and take the time to read it. At least my words are going out to the appropriate people, right?

P.S. This opportunity situation only applies to most relationships as they are mostly general. Long distances will have to message me and I'll try to help through some limited experiences where I have gained knowledge about this subject.

... Also, I am not a love expert. I give comments based on my experiences...