Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas ~ !

Happy Holidays ~ !

It's almost another year.

What have I accomplished? It feels so slow, yet fast. It seems like I have graduated for a long time now. What have I done that's worthy of something? Nothing. It's so depressing now that I think about it. Oh well, I'll just try my best to make people happy this year. Just like every other year, I mean it.

But...
Somethings just get really confusing. Love, please-- stop pressuring me. I don't like it. I need time. Why does it seem like value friendship more than a relationship? Don't I like to be cared for and loved by someone (finally)? Why do I feel like I have lost myself.

Anyhow, happy holidays and merry christmas! I'm sorry this has been so depressing. It has snowed here, twice. But it's gone now, good things never last. Snow, I love you so. Please come back to me! Then I'll be at peace and content again. It's all I wish for. Ice skating will do for now.

Post-Graduation

Hello Procrastination!

This post should have been typed up pretty long ago, but I guess I just never had the time to. *poke diary* Nor had I any time to write in my diary. So if this appears to be gibberish, then please forgive me. 

For this entry, I am just going to let my thoughts and feelings flow out- with the occasional typo and grammar fix. But other than that, I will type my mind's words in no order at all. Warning: This may result in a dull and boring entry. I think all my blog posts are.

~~~ Anyhow, starting...
Post-graduation has hit me big time. Think of high school as a bubble, a bubble that I have been protected and have felt safe in. And graduation just pops it, or it explodes, whichever sounds more drastic. So I am now all exposed and vulnerable to this horrifically new young adult's world. Thing is, I might like change in some situations... but this is one of the times when change is not appreciated (not by me, at least). Now, I just feel very lost in this new world; feeling very vulnerable and unsafe. I cannot think correctly and it is very hard making decisions. 

Also, I feel like nothing is going right. My love life (which plays a big big BIG part in my life) is not going very well. Many people say, one can focus on career if left without love (or something like that). As of now, my career is doing nothing. These problems I have, they do not let me enjoy life (if there is enjoyment in this life at all). 

I am working towards being the librarian I inspire to be, but everything is still so confusing... I ask a TONNE of questions, but I feel like a burden or I feel like I'm bothering the person I am requesting help from. I just feel really bad. And it is funny because other than feeling bad, depressed, angry at the weirdest times... if someone asks me how I feel exactly and WHY, I cannot answer it. Sometimes, I feel like I have lost all emotion- feeling blank for the day, week or weeks. I have not felt like I have been emotionless for a month yet... so let us just leave that out. This post is getting rather long...
But anyways, yeah. I sometimes feel like I have no emotion at all. The times when I should feel scared, cautious or even surprised, I do not feel it. Times where I should be feeling sad, angry or happy, I cannot feel anything. It is just like: *blink blink* "Okay."

That is all.

Art of Deception (i)

The Art of Deception

Winter Sunlight

The closer to afternoon,

The brighter the sunlight.

But the more luminous it becomes,

The more deceptive it will be.

So the warmer the thoughts,

The cooler the chill.

Just light.

~WingedAura     

What it is all about.

When Democracy is not democracy, 
but Capitalism with the ability to vote...
~ Me on Facebook

Put-downs

What I have come to believe is,
People will put you down because they-
envy you.

Jealousy knows no harm.

Time Travelling

I will be a rebel. I will wait until it's 12 AM to turn the clock back one hour. So I will be able to travel back in time. I'll need it. ~ Me on Facebook

This time travel, I need it. To feel better. Even just the smallest sliver. I would have preferred a time travel that goes much further back. I would wish I had never met him. I wish I have never fall in love. And I also hope, he would have not known me ever. Because now it hurts, things I think of makes me feel selfish. I'm not comfortable, I'm not happy and I have forgotten the feeling of love. He has not shown me or helped me feel those similar emotions that I had when I thought we were going to be forever. I thought I found my soulmate. Why doesn't he seem to care? I do not want to lose the only person that ( I hope ) truly loves me for who I am. However, most of the time... I don't have the slightest clue as to who he is with, what is he doing, where he is, when he is out partying, and why this girl seems more girlfriendly than I could ever be. But as long as he is happy, even with her, I will also be happy. Wherever I may be.

It is, a punch in the face.

"No matter what you do or how you try, things never change just magically." And apparently, trying for a long period of time does not work either. It's just that hard to change. Even myself. ~ Me on Facebook

Jealousy, it just does not leave me alone. I'll assume it's just me and my over-thinking. My own free will? I don't think so, my will is the firewall to the flames of jealousy. A defense to my offense. Please, stop thinking.

It's weird...

When rhythm-less lines, sing rhythms in my head.

Summer's Child

She wakes up to sounds as light as Spring,

Birds singing melodious melodies.

She looks out to colours as bright as Autumn,

Red, orange, yellow and green.

She sneaks out to temperatures as cool as Winter,

Autumn winds and the awaiting chill.

She is the sole survivor as warm as Summer,

To admire and bring happiness to those around.

Happiness to upcoming celebrations,

As long as the world stays happy for another day.

~WingedAura    

"It's like all four seasons mixed together."
-Me on Facebook

I can only wish.

I can only wish , that someone will take me away. To love me and protect me. I do not like being forced to do something I don't want. I want to keep my freedom, I want to live but like a child again. The adult world isn't for me. I'm afraid of it, I can't breathe in it... It's choking me. I need pain to make sure I stay sane. I feel so alone and so sick. I feel the world is against me. I feel like no one cares. It hurts so much.

What If

I'll just start my post off with this song:

---

It reminds me of so much, but only as much as I remember. And it's disappearing bit by bit, day by day. I'm afraid. Because I hurt you, because it was me. The only way to fix it, only I have the antidote. So I begin to wonder, what if I asked you to return to me? What will your answer be? I'm afraid of it.

But just remember, "I am all for you." ~Safetysuit

Playing Along

Though you fear, I admit I do too.
But I ain't scared. I'm not scared to admit I fear many specific things.

However, one thing is certain... I still think of you.
Everything reminds me of you.

If you leave, why can't you leave completely?
Why does the music play on?

---

"If music be the fruit of love, play on" ~Shakespeare

You Fear

That is the only reason. 
It is because you fear. 
You think of the worst that could possibly happen when it will not ever. So you run, run away from what you fear. 

You do not understand, you lack it. You lack the understanding needed to understand the people around you. You lack the knowledge to aid and support. You are full and matured with everything else, but you lack

THE KEY TO MY HEART.

---

Mission Accomplished

... Yet it hurts.
All for the best, I guess.

It sacrificed so much for me and I feel like I don't know how to treasure it. So, I will just give it up for now. 

I really hope it can be happy and enjoy life without a burden like me. Really, this is difficult. Even I cannot stand myself sometimes. How it can stand me? I have no idea, but I'll let it rest now. I hope it can focus on studies and the future that may or may not involve me, but whatever it may be... I hope they can be happy.

I am typing in part code, part word-substitution. If you can figure it then, you are pretty smart. I tend to confuse even myself; but I know, I want it to be successful and I want to find something that can understand me even when I talk in code.

I'm crazy in love with you. We'll always be together because your magic will always be in my heart.

---

The Water's Shallow.

Is it right for people to judge you on how you look?
It's a rhetorical question.
Of course it's not.

How you look on the outside, 

Does not define how you are on the inside.

No matter how beautiful you look with make-up and false coverage,

It does not make you beautiful on the inside.

But...

If you're beautiful on the inside,

I guarantee that your outside will soon reflect the inside.

Trust me. 

Cupcakes with tea, anyone?

It is my attempt to pipe a rose.
Not bad, but not good.

---

Water Photography