Post-Graduation

Hello Procrastination!

This post should have been typed up pretty long ago, but I guess I just never had the time to. *poke diary* Nor had I any time to write in my diary. So if this appears to be gibberish, then please forgive me. 

For this entry, I am just going to let my thoughts and feelings flow out- with the occasional typo and grammar fix. But other than that, I will type my mind's words in no order at all. Warning: This may result in a dull and boring entry. I think all my blog posts are.

~~~ Anyhow, starting...
Post-graduation has hit me big time. Think of high school as a bubble, a bubble that I have been protected and have felt safe in. And graduation just pops it, or it explodes, whichever sounds more drastic. So I am now all exposed and vulnerable to this horrifically new young adult's world. Thing is, I might like change in some situations... but this is one of the times when change is not appreciated (not by me, at least). Now, I just feel very lost in this new world; feeling very vulnerable and unsafe. I cannot think correctly and it is very hard making decisions. 

Also, I feel like nothing is going right. My love life (which plays a big big BIG part in my life) is not going very well. Many people say, one can focus on career if left without love (or something like that). As of now, my career is doing nothing. These problems I have, they do not let me enjoy life (if there is enjoyment in this life at all). 

I am working towards being the librarian I inspire to be, but everything is still so confusing... I ask a TONNE of questions, but I feel like a burden or I feel like I'm bothering the person I am requesting help from. I just feel really bad. And it is funny because other than feeling bad, depressed, angry at the weirdest times... if someone asks me how I feel exactly and WHY, I cannot answer it. Sometimes, I feel like I have lost all emotion- feeling blank for the day, week or weeks. I have not felt like I have been emotionless for a month yet... so let us just leave that out. This post is getting rather long...
But anyways, yeah. I sometimes feel like I have no emotion at all. The times when I should feel scared, cautious or even surprised, I do not feel it. Times where I should be feeling sad, angry or happy, I cannot feel anything. It is just like: *blink blink* "Okay."

That is all.

Art of Deception (i)

The Art of Deception

Winter Sunlight

The closer to afternoon,

The brighter the sunlight.

But the more luminous it becomes,

The more deceptive it will be.

So the warmer the thoughts,

The cooler the chill.

Just light.

~WingedAura     

What it is all about.

When Democracy is not democracy, 
but Capitalism with the ability to vote...
~ Me on Facebook

Put-downs

What I have come to believe is,
People will put you down because they-
envy you.

Jealousy knows no harm.

Time Travelling

I will be a rebel. I will wait until it's 12 AM to turn the clock back one hour. So I will be able to travel back in time. I'll need it. ~ Me on Facebook

This time travel, I need it. To feel better. Even just the smallest sliver. I would have preferred a time travel that goes much further back. I would wish I had never met him. I wish I have never fall in love. And I also hope, he would have not known me ever. Because now it hurts, things I think of makes me feel selfish. I'm not comfortable, I'm not happy and I have forgotten the feeling of love. He has not shown me or helped me feel those similar emotions that I had when I thought we were going to be forever. I thought I found my soulmate. Why doesn't he seem to care? I do not want to lose the only person that ( I hope ) truly loves me for who I am. However, most of the time... I don't have the slightest clue as to who he is with, what is he doing, where he is, when he is out partying, and why this girl seems more girlfriendly than I could ever be. But as long as he is happy, even with her, I will also be happy. Wherever I may be.

It is, a punch in the face.

"No matter what you do or how you try, things never change just magically." And apparently, trying for a long period of time does not work either. It's just that hard to change. Even myself. ~ Me on Facebook

Jealousy, it just does not leave me alone. I'll assume it's just me and my over-thinking. My own free will? I don't think so, my will is the firewall to the flames of jealousy. A defense to my offense. Please, stop thinking.